How to deal with toxic masculinity

While it may be difficult to address and challenge toxic masculinity in your life, there are ways to break through the stigma and barriers.

Question your current understandings of masculinity

Try thinking about what you presently consider masculine, and then interrogate where those beliefs came from and how they look in practice.

Consider asking yourself questions like:

Have I ever denied myself something because I felt it was feminine?

Have I judged someone else for not being masculine enough?

Have I found myself adhering to any of the potentially harmful behaviors from above?

Even if you choose to not share these findings with anyone else, thinking intentionally about how you may personally lean into toxic masculinity is progress.

Be OK with where you are

The traditional — and toxic — understanding of masculinity is widespread and can affect anyone.

Rather than feeling shame about where you are right now, know that it’s OK to acknowledge any areas that you feel you may need to address.

Even those who find themselves educating others on the dangers of rape culture or advocates for gender parity did not begin where they are right now — everyone has learning experiences.

Challenge those who value your opinion

It can be a challenge to push back against widely accepted understandings or behaviors, but nothing will change if everyone stays silent.

For example, if you hear a masculine friend make a comment about refusing to see a therapist even though they’re having a rough time, consider asking why, and be willing to have a thoughtful and patient conversation.

Additionally, it’s important to support those who are often recipients of these toxic beliefs — particularly women, feminine-presenting folks, and members of the LGBTQIA+ community.

While people from all of these marginalized groups are capable of advocating for themselves, because some men and masculine folks choose to assert their masculinity with violence or aggression, there can sometimes be a hesitance to be vocal.